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Marybeth Hancher

Marybeth Hancher

Creativity & Caring (too much)

January 24, 2020

On Caring.

Sometimes the personality (or enneagram/zodiac/whateverelseyoucanusetodescribeme) type I have drives me absolutely crazy & gets the best of me. My incessant need to please everyone and myself at the same time with expectations that are unattainably high is enough to make me shrink down farther than necessary and give up before I even give whatever it is I want to do my very best shot. I care too much about everything. I say I don’t take things too seriously, but then why do I overthink my every move when it comes to things like blogging or Instagram posts? Or when I’ve taken photos that I LOVE but are afraid no one else will so I silence them before they can ever speak to another soul?

Why can’t I just run with my thoughts and live by the rule that if it’s not going to hurt anyone and it’s something I feel like trying or sharing or writing, then I should just DO it without caring so dang much about the outcome?

I care that no one reads my blog…. and I care that SOMEONE actually does read my blog.
I care that my Instagram posts that receive the most love are of the things I care the least about.
I care that I can’t write as well or paint as beautifully or parent as wonderfully as other people can, and simultaneously I care that no one knows that I care about those things and I care about not wanting to care about the things I care about.

It’s RIDICULOUS. But also beautifully deflating to write that here for anyone to read.
Assuming anyone even cares to read this blog. 😉

Oy. That being said, I’ve said this for YEEEEEEEEEARS over and over and over in as many ways as possible. But I do want to use this blog again. It’s not going to always be pretty with photos and fun stories and well-edited writing. My brain doesn’t work that way. My brain is usually filled with fluff and stuff and non-linear thoughts. It’s mildly jumbled, just like the rest of my life, but it’s comfortable to me because I know no other way to think, write, and do. I run with the radical and let the static break into a full picture every now and then and hope there is someone out there that has stuck it out long enough to get to the point where there’s something anything worth watching in me.

So welcome to my journal.

On What I’m Creatively Working Towards.

Freedom, simply put. I’m workin towards creating with my gut instinct rather than by seeking outward influence prior to pushing the camera shutter or picking up my paintbrush or opening my journal. If you’ve been following my Instagram account, you know I’ve been sharing pages from my handmade art journal. THAT has been fueling me in ways I never anticipated. I don’t feel like delving into that right now so I’ll save it for another day. But what no one has really seen is the other 365 (or 366 rather- leap year!) day journal I’m keeping. I signed up for Riet Poch‘s class The Painted Diaries at the end of last year as a way to stretch me creatively, knowing full well that some months I’ll have to explore art forms that are either unfamiliar to me, or, well, something I don’t enjoy doing. We kicked off the year with a prompt that falls into the latter category. BUT, after a couple weeks I learned how to do it my own way. Ideally, we were supposed to use magazine cutouts and do repetitive drawing (i.e. zentangle style ink drawings) along with it. But the problem is twofold: 1. I have a GREAT deal of trouble cutting out magazine images and drawing on or around them because the photographer in me knows how long it takes to get the photo lit correctly, edited, etc. and considering that, I feel the image is the art itself and anything I may add to it is almost blasphemous. I know it sounds extreme, but those are just my honest thoughts. (Not that anyone is necessarily doing anything wrong by using them- once they’re published it’s free game. It’s just a personal thing I can’t seem to get past no matter how many times I’ve tried.) And 2. Repetitive line drawing is calming and stress-reducing for some but for me it’s actually stress-INducing and causes me mild anxiety-like symptoms. Soooooo…

I finally got it “right” by avoiding cutting out magazine images and also by using watercolors or stamps to create repetitive patterns on the page. It doesn’t follow the exact prompt specifications, but it’s my own and 14 days in, I learned to enjoy what I signed up for. 🙂 And as a good art teacher does, Riet was kind to send us all an email encouraging us to spin the prompt in whatever way we wish. Who knows what the rest of the year holds, but so far I’ve already learned that it’s okay to do my own thing and find what works. Personally, I’ve always done better when I break out of the box.

I suppose that’s why I’m a Type 4. 😉

in Misc.

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Photos to go with my previous post about Rain or S Photos to go with my previous post about Rain or Shine…Y’all — I’m so sick of having to make videos in order for IG to show you my stuff. 😅 I’m not the only one. I’ve had many a conversation with other creatives who are sooooo over their things only have a reach of like, uhh, 20 people tops?? Unless you make video, of course. Don’t get me wrong. I do enjoy a video or two. But come on… only like 1% of my feed are photos anymore. I don’t know about you but my brain cannot handle all that. It’s too much. 😅 So I apologize if I’m contributing to your own brain overload. Good grief.One of these days I’d love if we all just pushed back. Fought the “rules”… rebelled a little. 😂 But it’s likely I’ll just be kicked off before that day comes. Lord knows I’m already flagged for the posts I like. 😉Rant over. Class dismissed.Snag this set if you like it using my Etsy shop link in bio. The few dollars really do help this mama out. Gets me like 3/4 a gallon of gas. 😂😂😂 Ok I’m done. I’m in a mood today.
I always have much to say, but this time it’s re I always have much to say, but this time it’s really simple: This is all I’ve ever wanted. 💕
You know, I’d be totally fine if my kids didn’ You know, I’d be totally fine if my kids didn’t like the same things as me, but MAN am I glad they’re also little artists! 💕Yesterday, I had lots of stuff to do and catch up on. But in the middle of my work, Tashie asked if we could paint, and I immediately put down what I was doing and got out some canvases, acrylic paints, and oil pastels. We went outside, put on some worship music, and we both painted what we felt. Hers is an adorable sunshine, and mine turned into an abstract seascape.Every part of this makes me happy and fills my soul. Thank God for art. 🙌
Putting this here for me. Cause one day I’ll scr Putting this here for me. Cause one day I’ll scroll through my feed and remember the perfect morning I had when the rainbow hit the pages, the sun lit up the sky, when my tea was the perfect temp, my cats were being cool, my house was quiet and I was greeted with a smile and a kiss…Mondays get a bad rap, but I kinda like ‘em. 😉
I’m here for all of it. The mom jeans. The late I’m here for all of it.The mom jeans. The late nights and early wake ups. The easy pregnancies, the hard ones too. The miraculous joy that overwhelms your whole being the moment you see your tiny one for the first time. The memorized books that you read over and over, and the requests for one more time. The extended bathroom breaks that consist of nothing but sitting on a toilet in silence, whether it’s for a sanity break, a moment to catch up on messages, or to let out the cry you’ve been holding in all day. The getting peed on mid diaper change and laughing about it. The 3 a.m. cries for comfort after a bad dream and the snuggles in a too small bed that follow. The cheers of excitement from the backseat when you pull into a drive thru cause you’re way too tired to cook dinner or to care about which oil the fries were fried in. The tears of pride when you watch your kids accomplish something great & the tears of sorrow when you just don’t know how to heal their hurts. The stretched skin that we put way too much emphasis on. The months upon months of greasy top knots and postpartum stretch pants. The kissed boo boos and expensive fancy bandaids. The requests for more playtime with you when all you want to do is kick your feet up and read your own book. The birthday parties, the Christmas mornings, the first Ferris Wheel rides, and first taste of ice cream. (Or bacon. 😉) The laughter that melts your heart and the I love you’s that can take every worry from your mind and put in perspective what really matters.I’m here for all of it. And if I had to guess, you are too. Happy Mother’s Day to my fellow mama bears.  I wish you as much joy in this journey of motherhood as I have felt for the past 11 years in mine. ❤️(Here’s a peek into my day. Simple, silly, and beautiful. Just the way I like it.)
So the lovely @tamaraarcilla revealed her newest t So the lovely @tamaraarcilla revealed her newest to us recently, and I’m tellin ya, I squealed in delight when I saw this. The colors, the florals, the stinkin sunglasses… come on now! 😍💕😎 But you know what I love best of all— the message behind it. We allllll need a good old fashioned “check up” and I can’t wait to use this set in my creative worship time and see what The Doctor shows me. 😉Swipe for a quick video to show all the goods (and craft room Clusia getting all up in my biz), then go snag your set for 20% off in the @illustratedfaith #printandprayshop! #biblejournaling #illustratedfaith #faithjournaling #journalingbiblecommunity #journalingbible #illustratedfaithcommunity #if_heartcheck #tamaraarcilla_squad #printandpray
Aaaand, it’s out there. The Paper Pack email sub Aaaand, it’s out there. The Paper Pack email subscribers, check yo’ boxes. Save, print, play, amen. 💕💐🌻I hope these designs make you smile! And as always, if you use them, please tag me so I can see! 😊 I’m going to be making a couple cards outta this as well as using it for Mother’s Day in my album. How would you use this?? #thepaperpack
It’s a new month, and you know what that means i It’s a new month, and you know what that means if you’re part of #thepaperpack. If you’re not, ya got like an hour before this months email gets sent out with these freebies! 💕Sign up with the link in my bio and share with a friend if you know someone who might enjoy this set. No strings attached… just need your email. 😉#papercrafting #digitalpaper #memorykeeping #projectlife #pocketpagescrapbooking #cardmaker #scrapbooker
I haven’t really talked about this publicly yet I haven’t really talked about this publicly yet because… I just couldn’t. It’s hard to make words when you feel like the weight you’re carrying is limiting your breath. A year ago my oldest sister was struggling with some health concerns. We told her not to think the worst, because the likelihood it was what she feared was slim. Or at least that’s what we said. But then she called my phone & if it didn’t come in a text, I knew what she was going to say might make me collapse. But I stood & paced & tried to just speak hope into her diagnosis while we talked. After we got off the phone, that’s when I fell apart. My sister couldn’t have cancer… but she did. And there wasn’t anything I could do about it.My sisters are everything. When one of them hurts, we all hurt. So for the months that followed, I could barely get up in the mornings and go about my day “as usual” because how could I? Everything was different. It was heartbreaking to see her grow weaker. It was heartbreaking to know her “lions mane” (as we always referred to our hair) was coming out in clumps in her hand. It was heartbreaking to see my dad cry and say to me, “I. Won’t. Let. Her. Give. Up.” It broke me to hear my mom who I think has openly cried maybe twice in my life cry over the phone, “My baby Stephanie…”But God.Today, this sister of mine who was an avid runner before… she took her victory lap. There was a moment when we prayed this day would come but ultimately knew it was in Gods hands. So despite my own need to “fix” things, I knew I needed to go to the only one who could. So I prayed, begged, relentlessly.I kept close to me this little Bible Steph got me on my 21st birthday. The pages were already tear soaked cause it was the first Bible I ever actually read and loved, but the last year has only wrecked it more.Last night I sang “Lion” at @elevationworship & my roars were louder & stronger. And this morning, cancer-free Steph ran her 1/2 marathon, but with a different perpective this time.My family is different now. We were good before, but we’re better now. So I printed out the photo of my precious sis to hang on my wall as a reminder of miracles. Healing. Strength.Of Jesus.❤️
(Note: Please, for the love, don’t take me serio (Note: Please, for the love, don’t take me seriously. For cryin out loud, I said to get knock off Birks and tithe your $ instead. 😆) My daughter is very into fashion… (like her own version of it. 😂) So when I actually get out of sweatpants, she gets so excited. “WHOA MOM! I love your style!” she told me today…And then I had to laugh when she asked me what my style was called, and without missing a beat I blurted out “Modest Casual Church Mom.” 😉That basically led to me doodling this nonsense this afternoon. Yes, I’m poking fun at… well, I don’t know exactly. 😂 Maybe our church culture or how others view our culture. I know “modest” is one of those trigger words for some. Doesn’t bother me either way. I just wear whatever. 😅 My husband saw me drawing this and laughed… and then we came up with some pretty hilarious extras that I’m sorry to say, I just couldn’t add. 😆I share this for no other reason than to say, it’s ok not to take life too seriously sometimes. It’s ok to laugh at yourself and with yourself, and if you can bring a smile to someone else in the process, awesome.Hope this finds my fellow Church Moms sitting in your Post-Church Daisy Dukes happy and smiling. 😊 Have a great Sunday evening! 💕#illustratedfaith #biblejournaling #illustratedfaithcommunity #coffeeandjesus #lampandlight #shesharestruth #documentedfaith #faithnotes #biblejournalingcommunity #biblegram #churchmom
Torn magazine, where’ve ya been my whole life? 🥰 I flipped through this gem by @tamaraarcilla & @jill.drangsholt (editor) and yo… it’s a work of art. Truly. While the digital copy is a joy, magazines like this are begging to be (literally) torn apart. Cut. Pasted. Used. Loved. 💕For the next 24 hours, you can get it on sale. Follow @tamaraarcilla & snag your copy along with me. Congratulations ladies! You’ve done a phenomenal job! 👏#tamaraarcilla_squad #tornmagazine #magazinelover #faithjournaling #junkjournaljunkies #journalingcommunity
Words hold weight. They can be used to lift someon Words hold weight. They can be used to lift someone up or be used to push them down. God, may I be careful and not careless with my words. 💕This page is about Jesus’ last words before his death on the cross. They’re quite powerful, and @levilusko did such a great job breaking their meaning down that I just took his post, printed it out, and folded it up into a little book I could keep in this pocket. I really spent time listening in on what those final 7 statements had to say. Whew…I’m really loving #biblejournaling lately… but it’s not about the pretty page. It’s about the reflection and worship that happens AS I’m making the pretty page. And today, I’m grateful that I could reflect on this “Gold from Golgotha.” ❤️Journaling supplies used are from @tamaraarcilla— More or Less + Plant Peace. Shop it in the @illustratedfaith #printandprayshop. 🙌#illustratedfaith #journalingbiblecommunity #tamaraarcilla_squad #illustratedfaithcommunity #documentedfaith #faithnotes #biblejournalingcommunity #journalingbible
Today marks the first time in a few years that I’ve gone to church on Easter, and me being there today is resurrection power at work. There’s much I could say about that, but I think the gospel speaks best for itself.Jesus said to her, “I am the resurrection and the life. Whoever believes in me, though he die, yet shall he live, and everyone who lives and believes in me shall never die. Do you believe this?” She said to him, “Yes, Lord; I believe that you are the Christ, the Son of God, who is coming into the world.” John 11:25-27“He is not here, for he has risen, as he said.” Matthew 28:6All Hail King Jesus.
Today was good. First day in many weeks I’ve fel Today was good. First day in many weeks I’ve felt like I can say that. Spent the morning in full on praise mode— loud singing, getting creative, next level worship, y’all 😂— then I cleaned the house and felt SO happy doing it. (Some days it’s cleaning that kicks my anxiety to the curb! 😅) I had a really unusual moment at lunch where I had the compulsion to pray and it was like a Holy Spirit straight outta Acts moment (you know, without all the “tongues” stuff 😂). I can tell you that my house became Holy Ground today… no other way to describe it. If that makes me sound off my rocker, so be it. Don’t care. 🤣 Like I legit don’t care anymore what it may look like to the rest of the world if you’ve seen me go from coasting through it fitting the standard, doing all the “normal” things to… well, whatever this is. Whatever this version is of me that’s been uprooted and transplanted in a brand new garden that’s being tended to by God himself. Or at least that’s what it feels like. Things change after you surrender and give it all to Jesus, friends. They really do. There’s this line in the show @thechosentvseries “Get used to different.” And I feel that so deeply & I’m forever thankful for “different.”Made this page in my #journalingbible using @tamaraarcilla’s Plant Peace set from @illustratedfaith. 💕🌸🌻☮️#biblejournaling #tamaraarcilla_squad #printandprayshop #faithjournaling #biblejournalingprintables #biblejournalingcommunity #illustratedfaithcommunity #illustratedfaith #if_morejesus #documentedfaith #if_goodsoil
Here’s the thing… I love me a good bookmark. 🥰 When I was little, I designed a bookmark for a contest I entered at my library and I won. They printed out like 500 of them and for my entire childhood we never managed to get rid of them all. 😅 I’m gonna be real here… I unfairly won that thing. My sister @mymcdoodles did all the work. 🤣 I wrote some terrible poem about chocolate and used the word “yummy” like 50 times to take up space 😂 but Diana wrote it out for me, drew it, did it. And my name was on it. So this is my gift to you on National Siblings Day, Diana… I humbly admit that you should have won that contest (as well as all the other contests I won because I was the youngest *CoughBeauBearCough*). Steph’s siblings day gift is that she was born with enough of a head start to avoid some of my nonsense. You’re welcome @stephtea1. 🤣Really though, bookmarks always make me smile, so here’s one I made using the new Plant Peace set designed by @tamaraarcilla for @illustratedfaith. Love the wings in this one!! 💕 Happy Palm Sunday!#printandprayshop #illustratedfaith #tamaraarcilla_squad #journalingbiblecommunity #biblejournalingcommunity #biblejournaling #journalingbible #handmadebookmark #bookmarksofinstagram #unseenrealm
Nadia had dance photos last week. Naturally I coul Nadia had dance photos last week. Naturally I couldn’t resist taking my own when she got home… ones that are fully her being herself in our messy house. No fancy lighting. No backdrops. No poses aside from whatever she wanted to do. And while I’m sure the professional ones will be just fine, there will always be something special to me about pictures like this, the ones we’ve taken together. I can hear her laughter when I look at them. I know what she was thinking and what I was saying. It’s like we have a language of our own when we’re doing this. I’ve always loved taking photos of my girl. She connects to it in ways I don’t always get to experience when I photograph other people, and it makes me so so very happy. 💕 Just wanted to share a few.
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