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Why My YouTube Channel is Spotty at Best

YouTube.  Stinkin’ YouTube.  I’ve had a love-hate relationship with it for quite some time now, and I’m just going to share my thoughts on it.  Cause that’s what a blog is for, right?  😉

There seems to be a constant stream of pressure coming from all over the place to “create engaging content” or “monetize” or “join a partnership” company (I get emails ALL of the time about things like this) or have consistent weekly videos or I should do this tutorial or that tutorial or talk louder or talk softer or I “talk too much.” <— Yeah, I’ve heard that one!  LOL!  And my friends- I’m kinda done thinking about it cause all the chaos in my head is driving me crazier than I already was.  😉

I’m a people-pleaser, and to be honest, God’s trying to snap me out of it because after 30 years, it’s finally draining me.  And there’s definitely a difference between people-pleasing and serving others out of love.  And right now, creating videos is more of a task than anything else.

So maybe I’m not alone and this will give someone else a breath of fresh air that they’re not alone either.  Or maybe I am the only one feeling this internal struggle, but I think this little list will be enough to explain why my videos will probably ALWAYS be sporadic:

1. I just don’t want to make them all of the time.  Pretty good reason not to, right?  😉  To be honest, I love sharing my projects, but not at the expense of:

A. Tanking my business. I’m sorry, but it’s not exactly in my best interest to spend the little spare time I have at a desk with a camera rolling and then on a computer while I edit and upload when I could be using it to create journals for my shop.  (Anyone else notice that I literally have like one book in my shop at all times anymore?!)  It takes A LOT of time to make videos, and I’d honestly rather use that time to bring in a little extra income that can be used to help my husband pursue his dream of starting a knife-making business, too.  (Seriously, he’s so talented and has great designs, so it would be a shame if he never got to share that creative part of himself with the custom-knife-and-cutlery-loving world.)  And don’t worry- when he does open shop, I’ll be shamelessly plugging him all over the place so you won’t miss it.   😉

B. Taking time away from my family.  Here’s the honest truth- I need Dana, and I need Nadia, and they need me.  Our little trio has to band together and push through some tough stuff.  We’ve all got a “thing” that needs each other’s love & attention & support.  Dana’s got chronic fatigue syndrome + clinically diagnosed depression.  I’ve got social anxiety + all kinds of emotional imbalances that make me scared to see what the later years of menopause hold.  😉 And Nadia’s a GEM of a daughter, but she’s got level 2 autism + me as a mom.  😉  Joking aside, having autism can be quite challenging for her AND for Dana & I as her parents.  It requires all of us to be a team as we go through it together.  So that being said, anything that takes time away from making sure our home life is grounded and that we’re doing our best to help each other gets the cut.

C.  Cutting into my much needed stress-free “me” time.  We all need it.  And that’s up to you whether creating YouTube videos or blogging or just binge watching Gilmore Girls on Netflix is fueling you.  😉  And as for me, I need to take the time to destress so the rest of my life can fall into place, and creating videos is doing quite the opposite.

2.  I don’t do my best work with the camera rolling.
Seriously.  I do much better when I’m creating alone without filming.  And I’d rather not see someone’s process video and know they were pleased with the final result rather than be able to watch them work and then know that the finished product (as wonderful as it may look to everyone else) isn’t what they hoped for.  And heck, I can only hope that others feel the same for me.  No offense, but as much as I love you, I’m not exactly creating layouts or things like that just for you to enjoy.  Haha!  That being said, I’m simply going to shut the camera off and enjoy the process all by myself.  And sometimes my time to get messy and creative is a “holy moment” where I can give thanks through my artwork to the One who gave me that ability to begin with.  🙂

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3.  I’m under no obligation to share everything with the world.
Some projects are simply meant to be enjoyed all by your lonesome.  And that’s ok, isn’t it?  We live in a time where we share, share, share, and share some more.  Our every move is tracked and recorded and mapped, and if we give permission, it’s once again shared.  Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat, MishMash (ok, that’s made up, but you know what I mean.)… we’re e.v.e.r.y.w.h.e.r.e. and quite frankly, it’s a little ridiculous isn’t it?  Somewhere along the way, it’s like our brain has been reprogrammed, and we suddenly feel as though we just have to share our every move, our every photo, our every conversation- and in the crafting world- our every project.  As for YouTube, I’ve always shared my monthly albums on there with little stories about our family adventures, but honestly, some moments and memories aren’t meant to be viewed by others.  And it’s certainly not “selfish” to not share those things.  I know I said I’d be making my wedding album and talking about my love story as I created it with you, but ya know what?  I’d rather just talk about that with people privately (if they ask) rather than with thousands of people on YouTube that I don’t know and that really don’t need to hear intimate details of my life anyways.  Same goes with my monthly books or Project Life albums- If I choose to share it, then I will.  But if I want to keep my life MY life, I’m not “required” to show it publicly.  🙂

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4.  I’m choosing to spend my online time in the places I love the most.
Instagram is my fave.  It’s seriously my happy place.  No (or very little) ridiculous arguing or sharing every bad moment of everyone’s day- Take that, Facebook!  😉  No obnoxious and unwarranted “thumbs downs” that are only meant to discourage- We all get that treatment on YouTube.  But as for Instagram, I really just like the simplicity of it.  I take my photos, I share my photos, and I get to connect with people quickly and easily.  What’s not to love?  I also am loving this blog!  It’s fun for me to take photos of my projects and share them on here.  Which is what I’ll be doing!

5.  Life is meant to be enjoyed in the moment, and I can’t do that when I have a bogus to-do list constantly running through my head.
My to-do list really is bogus.  Most of it is stuff I feel like I should do, but don’t really need to do.  Like spend hours creating crafty video footage even though I don’t really want to but because I think it will make someone else happy.  {And that’s not always a bad thing, but I’ve done it for so long that it’s time to just do me, if you catch my drift.}  In fact, as I’m typing this, I looked out the window, and for a straight five minutes I watched hundreds upon hundreds of birds fly from across the cornfields and around my house over and over as if performing their own little ballet.  And you know what?  It was the most beautiful thing I’ve seen since I dropped Nadia off at school this morning.  😉  I could have picked up my camera to capture it (because I would have had time!), but I didn’t.  Because I chose to soak it all in in the moment it was happening.  I’m afraid we pile so many things on our “to do” list… or “to film” list, that we miss out on the gift of just living in the moment without feeling like we have to let others enjoy it with us.  And life is simply too short to be focusing on too many things at once without taking the time to just LIVE.

6.  I have absolutely no interest in numbers and followers.  In fact, if you know me at all, you’ll know that being in the spotlight isn’t exactly my favorite thing.  I’m a wallflower, and I quite enjoy it that way.  And as for having a certain number of followers, that doesn’t interest me in the slightest. What’s a number?  I could have 10,000 YouTube subscribers and only interact with 50 of them on a regular basis.  Meaning I have about 50 people that care to actually talk to me to begin with and 9,950 people who I’m not even sure watch the videos that I create primarily for their enjoyment.  (And looking at my analytics, most people only survive the first 4.5 minutes anyways.  Literally.)  And lastly, the only person I care about you “following” is Jesus Christ, so there’s that.  LOL!  😉

7.  I’m choosing to spend this season of my life pouring into new friendships and allowing them to pour into my life as well.  Simply and honestly put, I don’t make friends easily.  And really, it’s just because I have trouble putting myself out there.  I’m introverted, not the greatest conversationalist, have an unusual sense of humor, talk about Jesus more often than most people are comfortable with, and have always listened to music like Nine Inch Nails and TesseracT…  And it’s also hard to have “playdates” when your child doesn’t exactly play with other children.  She has trouble talking to them without using a script and doesn’t know how to socially interact.  (Apple didn’t fall that far from the tree- just sayin’.  LOL!)  But if Nadia’s working hard to socialize at school, then I’m going to do it with her.  I’m stepping out of my shell because I need a tribe of girlfriends that will let me barge into their homes in tears when I’m having a rough day.  I need girlfriends that will pray with me and text me to meet them for coffee or pour me that second third glass of wine on a rough day without judgement.  😉  I think we all do.  And as much as I love the friends I’ve made from all over the world through our crafting community, I need people I can see in person, too.

8.  Creating for Felicity Jane takes precedence over creating for… well, YouTube.  Granted, there will definitely be times I make things for a FJ Creative Team project and use my channel to share it, but I won’t be doing process videos when it’s a design team project.  Why?  Go back and read number 2 again.  😉

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9.  My “easy” camera died.  Now, that’s not to say that I don’t have other cameras that are actually my primary cameras of choice for photos, but the little point and shoot I used to film videos easily and quickly just stopped working properly and won’t focus anymore… and using my DSLRs to film videos require a few extra steps.  And since I’m already not feeling the whole video filming thing, adding in anything extra right now makes my maybe’s a definite no.  {R.I.P. You crappy Samsung NX mini that only survived 7 months of light use.}

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10.  The season is just over.  I trust Solomon’s God-given wisdom when he wrote that there is a season for everything.  And if you’ll allow me, I’d like to modify Ecclesiastes a bit to apply to my personal life right now:
To everything there is a season and a time to every purpose under heaven.  A time to buy and a time to quit spending money on craft supplies because good GRIEF, don’t you think you have enough?!  A time to love your new little camera that makes video recording sooooo easy and a time to say “Are you serious right now?  You survived only 7 months?!  Really?!…”  A time to upload and a time to… well, just not.
In all seriousness, though, there’s a season for teaching and a season to learn.  A season for publicity and a season for privacy.  And right now, I’m enjoying the breath of fresh air I just gave myself as I typed this to you.  This is not to say that I’m not ever going to use my channel again… You know that I’m itching to join in on December Daily and share that with you!  And how could I not make videos of that spectacular yearly project, right?  But for now, all the pressure is officially off, and instead I’ll be spending more time sharing photos of my monthly albums on this blog and on Instagram unless I’m really really wanting to make a video for one reason or another.  Just don’t expect there to be much consistency over there.

I hope you’re ok with that…. not that I’m giving you the choice.  😉  😉  😉  Lots of love to you!
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5 Comments

  • Reply christine

    I just feel like standing up and clapping for you–seriously! Good for you, Marybeth 🙂 You don’t owe anyone anything, and as much as I love watching your videos and watching you create, you should only do what feels right to YOU! I hope you’ll find yourself less stressed, and able to enjoy the process, and your LIFE, more. You are wonderful-don’t forget it. 🙂 <3
    -Christine.

    September 29, 2016 at 2:42 pm
  • Reply Shan

    I’m glad that you are taking a break and doing what makes you feel good. As women, we all need to do that just a little bit more!

    September 29, 2016 at 3:26 pm
  • Reply Nancy

    Ohmygosh, Marybeth, I can’t even begin to tell you how much I’ve enjoyed reading this post! It’s like you’re putting my own thoughts into words, only better because with the PTSD I’ve been dealing with since before it actually had a name, I have lost my ability to put words together as I used to do. You remind me so much of myself, with your social anxiety and shyness, and your fierce love for your family, and I feel so drawn to you when I read your posts. I’m so glad I found your blog and please know what you write really does have a profound effect on others. God bless.

    October 8, 2016 at 7:50 pm
  • Reply simplypearl

    hi marybeth, i recently found you since i just started subscribing to the felicity jane kit. i’ve really enjoyed watching your youtube videos. but as a woman i give you a standing ovation for having the courage to write what you did and saying no. family first is my motto. plus, our kids will only be this age for so long. here’s to being brave and true to yourself.

    October 30, 2016 at 12:02 am
  • Reply Tracy

    You are awesome! Was great to hear a desire for reality and family instead of fame. Read “Simply Tuesday: Small Moment Living in a Fast-moving World” by Emily P. Freeman earlier this year and a lot of what you said is in line with that. So hard to not always try to be superwoman and do it all! Liked your take on instagram vs facebook. I do the later but mostly just check into the scrapbooking groups I’m in. Not good with technology so maybe will figure out instagram 5 years from now when something new has replaced it:)

    November 16, 2016 at 3:52 pm
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